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So what is a newyorksubalien...

I’m a New York subalien. Don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly legal – it’s just my loving other half, official alien that he is, comes with a so-called “supermodel” visa that apparently denotes him as one possessing extraordinary abilities (falling asleep within 5 minutes of sitting down in front of the TV, remembering only 2 of the 3 items on a mental shopping list and not knowing where the dishwasher tablets live after 2 years in our apartment are just some of his many talents).

The same visa leaves me extraordinarily unable to possess that most American of entities - a “social” i.e. a Social Security Number. Calling it a “social” makes it sound like the password to some party-filled, fun-packed lifestyle. That’s not far wrong as without these all-important 9 numbers, you pretty much can’t have a lifestyle at all - no bank account, no credit card, not even a driver’s license.

So what does a subalien do? Well, like over sub life forms waiting for evolution to give them a leg up on the ladder of existence, I have plenty of time to observe and these, dear reader, are my observations…..

Monday, April 25, 2011

Weddings, weather and wabbits!

It seems to me on this side of the Atlantic that many of you on the other side of the pond are currently solely focused on the 3Ws – not the World Wide Web but weddings, weather and wabbits (had to get an Easter connection in there somewhere).

Us U.S. aliens however are sadly lacking in all three. So far as the weather is concerned, while Planet WWW may be enjoying 80 degrees and glorious sunshine, here we are, heading towards the end of April and the summer kit still remains stashed away at the back of the wardrobe. Footwear is predominantly of the toes-in variety and street fashion remains focused on variations of black and grey – with a multitude of tones of white from bare, wintered legs only beginning to make an appearance.

If Spring has not yet sprung, it’s fair to say that the Easter bunny certainly sprang past us this weekend with barely a second glance. This was our first Easter in Planet Big Apple as the school holidays in previous years fell in such a way that we could head back to the wee Green Isle.This year however with Male Mini-Me and Mini-Mum in the same American school, we switched from Easter holidays to Spring Break. This meant that we only had off the statutory holiday of Good Friday. But we did have the added bonus of no school on Tuesday and Wednesday of the same week for Passover. 

With the two big holidays falling so close together, shops here have to be democratic thanks to New York demographics. In the grocery and drug stores, Easter eggs shared shelf space with matzo bread, egg-collecting baskets with disposable Seder plates. In keeping with our new planetary home, Superalien lived up to his name and rose early on Easter Sunday to shop for the necessary ingredients at our local Jewish deli to make chocolate brownies!  So much nicer than an Easter egg.

And so to the final W – THE wedding. Hard to believe, I know, but wedding fever still has to grip Planet Big Apple. Perhaps everyone has been waiting for Easter and Passover to end before turning their full attention to the upcoming festivities. But no one I know has asked me about it and even I, in the interests of research, had to force myself to watch the recent Made-for-TV movie on the future royal couple in order to acquaint myself of all the important facts. So glad I did, otherwise I would never have known that the Royal family appear to use at one’s breakfast table the same “crystal” glasses my father collected religiously with petrol coupons many years ago.

Come the big day, apart from the inevitable TV coverage (beginning at 4am local time), the main focus of any celebrations would appear to be two street parties. The first is being held by ex-pats in the DUMBO district of Brooklyn (no comments on the venue please), the other in Greenwich village organized by one of the few “British” shops cum restaurants in the city that boasts such delicacies as Heinz spaghetti on toast, bangers, mash and beans and Scotch eggs. During the wedding coverage however, breakfast will be served by the French restaurant across the way – that probably says it all.

Personally I think several New York hotels have got the right idea, organizing breakfast packages complete with morning wake-up call. One such package does require you to make it downstairs to watch the great event on a wide screen TV but promises slippers, pillows and blankets on hand throughout to ensure the “coziest of dining experiences”.

Now that I know everything about the young couple (said TV movie having being “inspired by true events”), I admit I will most likely turn the TV on after the Minis have left for school and enjoy my own wedding breakfast experience complete with blanket and pillow but without the $150 plus a head price tag.

All in all, I can cope without the wedding and Easter wabbits, but can we have the weather back please?

Creative Commons License by Caroline Eagles is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.